“He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” Proverbs 28:23
Yesterday, I was able to witness one of my sons climb a rock wall. That may not seem like a big deal, but no one knew the challenges he had recently overcome to do it. This son is often afraid to speak up, afraid to approach new people, afraid to lead. He is often filled out doubt and insecurity in himself and left wondering if he matters at all. Does it kill me inside, absolutely, because I see how amazing he is, but it is something he has to learn on his own. For weeks and months now, he has challenged me and we haven’t enjoyed each other as much as we once did. Moments are often filled with defensiveness and tension. It’s been a season of tough rebukes and what it feels like is kicking him when he is already down, but God has continued to promise me, he will rise so I believe Him.
All day he had been eyeing the rock wall at a festival we attended. But it wasn’t until the sun was beating down in the late afternoon we got the chance. It had three sides. He attempted the first side and got about half way up before dropping down. His usual behavior would be to quit and not look back. But he went to the next side which surprised me. He again got stuck in a similar spot. But he went to the final side to try and even asked which side was easiest. I was in amazement, not only was he not stopping, but he was actually asking for help! He again did not make it up and his arms were burning, yet he did not lose heart. We went about our day and a few hours later he began to ask again to go try the rock wall. I saw the line and knew it would soon be packed up and closing. I said we could go, but they were trying to get all of the new kiddos through the line, so he waited. When it was finally his turn, he began the climb and got stuck in the same spot. He dropped down and what would typically be a walk with head down back to us, never turned around. He just started climbing again. “Who is this kid?” I began wondering. Another stop. I could feel the tension build with the workers as more and more kids were coming to get their last climb in and as my son walked off, he didn’t come back to us, he went to the back of the line to try again! I thought, “They will never let him go again closing in 5 minutes with all these people.”
But God…
He sent an angel to work that shift. He sent a man who could see the determination in my son’s eyes and somehow, some way, he allowed him to climb one last time and for that I will forever be grateful because before I knew it, he had climbed over that hump that kept stopping him and made it to the top and rung that bell. My son came home a new person! He rose!
“He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” Proverbs 28:23
This verse is on a small green piece of paper in a special windowsill in my home. It sits in the room where we work and do school. And the windowsill is so special because it is where I typically start each day looking out at God’s creation and talking to Him about the things on my heart. When I was a young girl, the last thing I ever did or wanted to do was rebuke someone, and if you aren’t sure what that means, it is a reprimand or a stern disapproval. (In fact I probably didn’t even know what a rebuke was, ha). I just wanted people to like me and I figured I didn’t know enough to “rebuke” someone anyway. Becoming a mother….well, there was no escaping God’s call on me to, when the moment calls, give a rebuke.
The tough thing about giving a rubuke to someone is you may feel you addressed a problem, even that you handled and spoke on behalf of God and what He has led you to say, but almost every single time. UGH. It hurts to do it. The recipient is rarely if ever glad to hear it (at first anyway). And then you are left with feelings of loneliness, rejection, and fear of what now may happen in that relationship. I had been living in this place for a long time with my son, feeling like a failure or unsure what to do next.
But God…
Tells us to “Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage–with great patience and careful instruction.” 2 Timothy 4:2
He also states:
“Let a righteous man strike me—that is a kindness; let him rebuke me—that is oil on my head. Let my head not refuse it… Psalm 141:5
When my kids were very young, like babies or toddlers, corrections were over small things that resolved fairly quickly. As they have aged, the correction they often need is bigger, deeper, and at times difficult to call them on as it calls me on accountability as well. Things like bad behavior due to envy, judgement, selfishness. And you may be surprised how many “idols” a child can have above God that guides their choices and decisions. It makes it a full time job offering feedback and rebuke and oh yea, gotta keep myself in check there too. Sometimes it is a matter of which issue do I deal with today because if I deal with them all it may be an explosion of epic proportions. So the big question is, “Do I say something or let it go?” But about 10 out of 10 times, the answer is always YES! Say it, because the Spirit in me won’t let the moment go without pouring some truth all over it. Sometimes that amazing moment of truth, while extremely difficult to get out and share leads to a huge breakthrough. Other times, that moment leads to a strong dislike for one another, that over time settles and behavior changes are seen. There are times that darn lesson keeps popping up and it takes multiple rebukes where I am driven to my knees to ask for a new approach or new words. And yet still, is that rebuke that went seemingly un-responded to for days, weeks, months, even years and then just when you thought it was never heard, a change happens, a conversation is shared, an acknowledgement is made that the rebuke was heard and it took a few seasons to harvest the mature crop.
It is in those moments God reminds me to just trust Him. That love is patient. His sheep will hear His voice.
Father, it is so very difficult to rebuke others even if we know it is needed. Harder still is when you rebuke us. When we feel we are doing our best and aren’t getting something right. Please forgive us. Forgive us when we do not know what we are doing wrong and forgive us when we do yet we continue that behavior. Forgive us when we are afraid to confront an issue for fear of losing a relationship, comfort us when we do. Give us confidence to rebuke others when you need us to. And Lord, when we rebuke someone and they rise after being knocked down, let us shout with Praise to you in gratitude! We love you, we need you, help us hear you Father!
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Rebuke
Show me the next step I should take.