“…for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning…” Lamentations 3:22-23
We have had tender hearts in our home this week. As the holidays approach and our advent countdown begins, we have sat and realized the abundant blessings we have and reflected on where we have been….but in full honesty; we have each sat in the weight of mistakes we have made as well. The times we behaved as if one of us were our enemy instead of realizing there was an internal struggle going on that hadn’t surfaced. The times we lost our temper when what was needed was love. The times judgements came out instead of grace. Sometimes I think I am the only one reflecting on these things in my home, but this week as I sat and had heart to hearts with both of my children on different days I realized they were carrying the weight of past mistakes and what was coming off as “prickly cactus” attitude was not matching the soft hurts on the inside. I guess that goes the same for most of us, usually under the layers of hurt, anger, or fear lie a beautiful soft heart that has been wounded and a fortress has layered up around it with guards to protect so that hurt doesn’t happen again…
When we began to homeschool, which was an unexpected journey I hadn’t planned to make. It has been full of blessings, but one experience I hadn’t anticipated facing as often as we do is our mistakes. Yep, did you know you can make a mountain load of mistakes in a day when you are home all day together? My sons had to be taught that mistakes on the paper are learning opportunities, not marks of failure. I have said many times, “If you never made a mistake, you wouldn’t need to be doing school, ha!” But that desire to always get things right is buried down in there. At the end of each school day, we recognize what stood out that day in each person. It usually isn’t math accuracy or reading fluency. It is almost always about attitude. How someone bounced back after getting off track or how someone sat patiently to get through a difficult project or assignment. Yes the response to a mistake or a miss-step is worth all the celebration in the world to me.
Why do we want to hide our mistakes so much? It seems often there is a desire to only show the beautiful side and not the messy side. I’ve learned to love the mess because it is from that beauty develops. It may feel like shame in the moment, but if we allow ourselves to feel icky for a bit, that can settle in and water a seed that was planted from it that will bloom into something exquisite. Seeds are planted in dirt that with rain get muddy before they spring forth into the sun with beauty!
When I was busy “winning” at looking good in the world, I was hiding so many things causing me pain. I suppose there were many reasons why, and how I looked to others was probably one of them, but everything changed one day at a gas station. My then pastor and his wife pulled up to the pump next to us. I was married at the time and a mother. There were a lot of mistakes built up and festering around our home and my cork needed to pop and spill it all! Somehow courage welled up within me and I hopped out of the car and walked over to ask my now friend if we could meet and talk one day. She said “yes”. That commitment to spill my mistakes, fears, ultimately my truth all into the light was about to change my world forever!
“You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.” Psalm 90:8
Oh the relief, how good it feels when we share what is on our heart! Almost every time one of my son’s spills something inside I am waiting for some huge confession to come out and almost always, what they share is something I already knew and I am surprised at the aspect of it they are holding. I feel so grateful to help relieve them of the guilt they are carrying. The hard part is actually getting that “mistake” up to the surface to spill out to allow it to be dried up in the light.
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs 28:13
If we keep carrying around the thing weighing us down, it will haunt us and those around us. But if we open up that backpack, pull out the things we carry, the power in them stops and we are free! AND to top that the people we love that walk with us can understand us better, know our hurts, our feelings, and God can enable them to love us better because now they know us better! It really is a beautiful thing!
“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
If we don’t allow God to love us well by sharing our mistakes and allowing ourselves to be forgiven, we cannot love others well. We have to live forgiven before we can forgive well. We have to live loved before we can truly love well.
Father, help us be bold and courageous today. Help us to openly share our mistakes in the place and to the people who most need to hear them. Let us trust that when we are truthful before you even if we don’t get the response we hope for that we please you in our faithfulness and that we can be set free from decisions in the past that caused harm. Prepare the hearts of those who need to hear this “mistake” and instill in them a forgiving, humble heart so that you may restore what might have been lost in the darkness and silence of the time when truth was not out. Help us to be the change that can move our mountain from here to there, in Jesus name we pray this prayer. Amen.
P.S. Today’s image is featuring what my kids would call a “mistake” in the kitchen. It was my attempt at making one of my favorite Panera meals, Broccoli Cheddar Soup with bread to dip it in. If I just shared the picture you may think wow, she makes fancy meals at home. NOPE, this was a rare day where I made everything from scratch and it was a huge bust. The bread was good, the soup was not and I still haven’t heard the end of it. I may make a mistake by sharing the image too, my sweaty self and crazy hair—this was a hot summer day. The irony in the “Be Happy” shirt cracks me up too. Just wanted to share that it is ok to laugh at our mistakes. Now, this is a light one to make you laugh I hope!
Laying my mistakes in the light, Julie
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Mistakes
Show me the next step I should take.