“Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” Isaiah 65:17
This week started out a little mucky. We were putting our home back together after company, returning Christmas decorations to their place and preparing for a clean slate and a fresh start when one of my sons started to not feel well. With the house a little out of sorts, we attempted some business as usual, but a lot of things just stopped. One day as he lay on the couch to rest, my other son and I headed into our classroom to get some work done when I casually mentioned I was going to run downstairs to check on our pets to make sure everyone was settled. See we have our own little small animal sanctuary in the basement complete with guinea pigs, bunnies, and a few pets we had been long term boarding for someone in their own transition of life. As I headed to put a few back in cages, I realized someone had escaped and as my eyes scoured the room, I realized the worst case scenario had happened. It is almost too difficult to type, but I ask you Father to give me strength that these words may be used to help heal one of your own innocent children in sharing it.
What I found was one of my innocent guinea pigs had been seized, drug, and badly wounded. Bloody, flesh ripped, feasted upon, and suffering. My eyes could not process quickly enough the reality of the horror and guttural screams came from my deepest places. I returned the intruder to his home and wrapped my little one in a towel as I screamed to the Lord for help. My children knew something was very wrong but I couldn’t put into words what was happening. We quickly prepared ourselves to leave and drove about 40 minutes to have him seen. Something in me died that day. Innocence was stolen. Horrific images burned into my brain. A family torn apart. A joyful room full of squeaks and munching gone silent. A sacred, safe place, dirtied.
I have experienced my share of pain in this life, but I had been spared from a traumatic scene like this until now and learned a new depth of pain. Watching the innocent physically suffer without being able to step in and prevent it, only pick up the pieces and do the best I could to restore what had been lost. “How can I be strong for my children when the little innocent one in me feels like she is dying?” I wondered. So I didn’t try to be strong or brave, I just wept and wept and shared my pain with my children. I had no explanations, no words to encourage, no happy ending to offer. We clung to this:
“…the former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” Isaiah 65:17
One day, we would not remember this terrible moment. We just needed to set our eyes on the new heavens and the new earth that would be coming and in the meantime, pray God can bring a little of that to us right now.
After about 36 hours later, I lay in bed gripping my head and begging God to remove the images I was seeing. I couldn’t see his little sweet face anymore. It had been replaced by what I last saw. I heard his breaths of struggle and I climbed from bed to go to him. I placed my hands on him and cried asking for God to help. He took one more breath and his spirit was gone. The hope I had of his recovery now replaced with the need to accept his death and rejoice in the end of his suffering.
My boys and I hugged and teared up over the loss of this innocent life, so suddenly, so abruptly, and so unfairly. “What do we do with this Father?” The next day as I closed my eyes one moment trying to envision my little love in his splendor, I saw Jesus holding him in his right hand. His fur beautiful and intact. His little head held up like a proud guinea pig. I told the boys “I could see him!” I shared what I saw and my oldest said, “He is Jesus’ right hand guinea pig now.” That thought brought the biggest smile to my face. Imagining only Jesus could understand what it means to be innocent, seized, beaten and tortured, and left to die in front of onlookers. He and Marsh E Mellow had a lot in common and He was now in good hands.
“Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest.” Luke 22: 54
“The men who were guarding Jesus began mocking and beating him.” Luke 22: 63
But God… took Him in His arms when
“Jesus called out in a loud voice, ‘Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.’ When he had said this, he breathed his last.” Luke 23: 46
The next morning, our Father rang my doorbell, but the face He presented himself in was a dear friend. She learned of what happened and held me. We sat on the floor and she wept for me while I rested just a moment. In this act, I knew God saw me, he knew what had happened, what we went through, and the feelings of anguish left behind. He comforted me. He knew what I had seen.
“But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.” Luke 23: 49
As arrangements were made for burial, I felt the importance of a decision I needed to make. Will I dwell on the “cross,” or will I look to the “resurrection.” It’s the same I have felt in my faith many times. Do we honor the cross or stay looking at it in sorrow? OR Do we dwell on the resurrection and stay looking at it in hope? So, I had to dwell on the image of this innocent life sitting on the right hand of our Savior and not on the image of his last moments on earth.
“…whatever is lovely…think about such things…” Philippians 4:8
I do not know what trauma you have experienced, seen, or loved someone through, but God does. He hurts when we hurt and I know it because He watched His own son experience a trauma that was quite severe. When innocence is stolen, we must guard our hearts.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26
Father, I beg you today to replace the traumatic images in the heads of anyone reading this with something more lovely. Let those images fade away to be former things not remembered nor coming to mind until you return and create a new heaven and a new earth where these things no longer happen.
Maintaining my heart of flesh with you and for you, Julie
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Innocence
Show me the next step I should take.