“For you created my inmost being…” Psalm 139:13
A few years ago, my family moved. I was in a unique place in my life, a crossroads. I had left my career behind, taught at my children’s school for a year and then came home to homeschool after COVID. The me I once had worked hard to become, the MS, RD, LDN, SNS behind my name that took years to acquire became almost irrelevant. As I unpacked boxes, the last one held my certificates of achievements, awards, and acknowledgements I just didn’t know what to do with them until one day… My kids were evolving into a new stage; more was expected of them to help in this new home. My dog was aging and was showing it in this new place that had stairs and new doorways and a new routine. I was struggling to get my team together and I began to forget who I was…
But God…
He led me into the hallway for that last box. I took it to the basement into a room that had several unused shelves and I began to pull each one out and look at them. I sat each one up on the shelf side by side. As I stepped back to look at them, I felt God remind me who I was and who I have been. He took me on a journey of all of the obstacles, trials, hard work, and determination to get to this point. And although my hair was usually pulled up, my daily attire had changed to as comfortable of clothes as possible, no jewelry typically worn, the title of “mom” most prominent, God taught me a very important lesson that day.
I have been His same little Julie Anne my whole life.
My daily routines may have changed. My hair styles have changed. My work has changed. My roles have changed. Even my thoughts…..but as for my inmost being….I have always been a daughter of God who is experiencing new things on my journey back home.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
According to the world, when I gave up a lot of earthly “titles” and roles, my purpose was questionable. It sent confusion. A couple years after I moved I came to a crossroads where I wasn’t sure if I was to return to full time work rather than homeschool. I was begging God to make it clear. I had a job interview one morning. I dusted off some old “work” clothes and tried to remember how to sit with “professionals” again. Where I used to want to head in and please or impress, this time I just didn’t know what to do or say. Everything about me and my life had changed. One question stood out and it was this: “What goals do you have for yourself in the next few years?” She was relating to my professional goals I believe. At one time I would have had an answer like obtain my School Nutritional Certificate, or maybe become a lactation consultant. But those answers didn’t come. What came out of my mouth was this, “I hope I can continue to see my worth as my identity keeps changing.”
That day, I felt like such a loser in the world. I used to be the one sitting on the other side of the table asking the questions. That day, I was sitting in the seat where my identity, my worth was wrapped up in my professional skills and goals. I walked out of that room very aware that I was no longer conforming to the patterns of this world, but God had to renew my mind to help me see how He sees me. What He needs of me. Where He is sending me.
Not long after that interview, God poured affirmation that He wanted me to continue what we had built at home, He revealed to me that I was right where I needed to be and He began sending opportunities my way for provision to maintain the life He had led me to. I found my worth again and I was proud to do tasks like clean someone else’s toilet if it meant living in His will doing the things He needed me to do alongside my children. I traded in my worldly identity for a new one that helped me embrace my inmost parts made by my Father.
I see my children go through seasons where they forget who they are. They begin to wrap up their identity in their birth order, skill level, abilities, or what standing they have with me that day based on their behavior. As soon as they get caught up in a worldly identity, they become less fruitful, less likeable, and more conflict arises. I am trying to remind them what God has taught me, our identity is in Him. Our skills may come and go; our abilities may have some strong days and others weak. We may always be the smallest. We may always be the oldest.
But God…
Doesn’t make mistakes. He sent each of us into the world at the exact time He needed us where He needed us to be who He made us to be. To carry that baton to the finish line for our family. We are…
“Fearfully and wonderfully made…” Psalm 139:14
Father, forgive us when we forget that you made us just as you needed us to be. Remind us of our worth today. Let us not question or doubt where we have been to get to this point. Let us embrace the place we are in right now and know that all the things happening around us are part of our transforming into your image so that we can one day sit with you in Heaven all day every day. In your pleasing and perfect will. Thank you for loving us and being patient with us as we learn, grow, and transform. Help us to be patient with ourselves and others as they transform and grow. We love you and appreciate you, Amen.
P.S. Picture today is my inmost being within my Kindergarten body.
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Identity
Show me the next step I should take.