“God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:6
Most people that know me well know I really enjoy personality assessments. Love languages, Colors, Spiritual Gifts analysis, you name it! I love to dig into who I really am and what makes the people around me who they are so I can love them better. I even bought an entire children’s book of personality quizzes for my boys and I to do in the car….but usually the response is, “another one?” Ha! I mean, who doesn’t want to know “What dessert are you?”
Recently, my oldest son was inspired to begin reading the book I wrote. As he completed the first chapter, I walked through some of the questions with him and one prompted taking a Spiritual Gifts Assessment. So, we all took it; however, God was about to school me in a deeper level of surrender. One of the questions asked something like this, “Do you have a lot of big dreams that you don’t talk about?” To which he answered “Almost always.” Now, my son is a daydreamer. He talks about a lot of it, and is often found deep in thought. But this day, I was hit with conviction. I knew some particular dreams about the future that he had shared which didn’t receive a warm and enthusiastic response. In that moment I realized God was giving me a window of insight into this amazing son of mine and I had a choice, listen and adjust, or risk losing him.
Family is different for all of us. We probably all have an emotional response inside when we think of “family,” depending on what family has meant for us. You may have had a great family experience or are making one. You may have had a difficult family experience or are going through one. To me, the privilege of creating my own family just as I was stepping into my faith meant something different than I had ever imagined before. It meant companions when I had no one else, friends to share meals with, a team to accomplish missions with, smiling faces to play games with, and soldiers to handle hard times with. When you survive a loss or tragedy in your life, alongside your family, the people you went through that with I imagine are a little like how our military men and women feel about their comrades, they become your brother and sister. You’ve seen, heard, and felt things together you may never forget and no one may ever understand but in their presence you feel more known and understood.
See my son was dreaming about faraway places and creating a life much different than the one God has created for us here and now. Deep, deep down, those responses of practicality I was providing, well, had pangs of fear. What would that mean for our family to lose one of us? I realized that after “letting go” of so much in my life to more deeply surrender to God’s will and not my own He was revealing something else I was holding that was causing the smile from my face to fade. I was holding the hopes, dreams, and outcomes of my family and it was time to begin surrendering that and let Him be in control.
Me, the person who likes to bring others’ dreams to life and remind them why they are rare and wonderful was slacking at my own passion. I had to remind myself who I was so I could remind my son who he was, wherever that led him. That son who was the only person I have been able to count on every day for years when no partner stood by my side. That son who was like a father to his brother long before he was mature enough to be so. That son who asked me to tell him one more story about who I am. That son who I’ve held through heartbreaks and disappointments. The thought that I may be a part of his own future heartbreak or disappointment was enough to remind me the importance of “letting go,” to hold on to my family in a different way.
“One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.” Proverbs 11:24
I have a triangular pillar photo frame that I purchased this year. It holds each of our pictures with a candle in the middle. When I turn it on, I am reminded that the three of us are only bound by God. We have unique personalities and giftings. While the thought of us departing from one another is difficult for me, it is a daily reminder that family is a gift. It is one that we cannot hold too tightly to, but be grateful for. What we must cling to is our Father and He will protect us all. I had a good friend tell me once advice she got for marriage. She said a pastor drew a triangle and in the bottom two corners were the names of she and her husband and at the top point was God. As the two points drew closer to the top, God, they grew closer to one another. I like to imagine that for our family as well; we may all have a different shaped family in different sizes, but as we grow towards God, we are getting closer to the top and closer to each other.
Our Father has a grand plan, one that goes beyond our homes. He knows many lonely who need to be placed in families and sometimes we are so focused on our own home we forget how many are outside not knowing where they belong. Opening our home, our dinner table, or a conversation may fill out our own families a little more and make someone else feel they belong. So while the future is uncertain, we are inspired to grow our own family this year by opening the door, letting people in, eating together and letting God build an amazing family rooted by three people who have done a lot of life together, gone through some tough stuff and know a thing or two about healing after difficult experiences. Rather than be sad about what may change, we look forward with hope to what may grow from what God has created. He isn’t finished yet…
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Are you missing someone from your family today?
Do you have a broken family relationship that needs restoring?
Have you not found a family you feel you belong in?
God sees you.
In love, Julie
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Family
Show me the next step I should take.