“...The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Do you ever have a day or a week, maybe even a season of your life where it seems no matter what you do you fall on your face in front of others? Just when you think you can’t get any lower, any more humble, you seem to burn to ashes and with a gust of wind may be scattered all over the countryside. It isn’t so much the things not going your way that hurt, but facing, sharing, and showing that weakness in front of others while putting your credibility, your reputation, your “appearance” in a questionable light and it is such a vulnerable place to be.
I was having trouble pinpointing the word this week to share as my lesson from the week. The word weakness was clear in my mind, but I already shared about weakness some weeks ago. So I thought well maybe it is strength, the opposite view. Nope, been done. So as I sat contemplating the best word to put on my experiences lately, the word appearance popped in my head and I thought, “Yes!” that is it. I have had many experiences these last several days (really a lifetime), that have reminded me how easy it is to worry about our appearance, but to be reassured our Lord, He looks at our hearts…
As a mom, I want to be all that God needs me to be for my sons. Ideally, that would be me standing strong, never phased, with endless energy, and always a smile on my face; however, the reality is… There are days I feel weak, I do get phased, my energy is zapped, my smile has faded, and I feel I am failing in my role. In the climax of feeling this way, I sat down to read through a devotion with my kids recently and as I read these words, I could not stop crying.
“I’m glad that I am weak. I am glad in hard times. I am glad when people say mean things about me. I am glad when things are difficult. And I am glad when people make me suffer. When I am weak, I am strong1.” (Based on 2 Corinthians 12:10)
I was literally feeling all of those emotions, and reading it with “I am glad” in front of them was hard to do. Harder yet was showing all that vulnerability and weakness in front of the two I need to be strong for. One of the hardest things God has asked me to do in my surrender is show my weakness. To admit my mistakes. To realize I wear out and have moments of impatience and anger. To not have all the answers but look to God and plead, “You led me here, now what?” “Why did you pick me for this task in my weakness?”
But God…
He has a specialty in creating beauty from ashes…
“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.” Isaiah 61:2-4
There is a long history of God working with weakness to do amazing and beautiful things. I mean truly the reoccurring theme in the Bible is taking the strong, proud, and powerful and humbling them, while taking the weak, humble, and seemingly powerless and using them to do spectacular feats of faith. Why?
Because someone that knows they need God can be used by God to do His will over their own.
Yesterday, we woke early to head to the Farmer’s Market. I brought the book and seeds, but this time, instead of my youngest son being encouraged to help, He wanted to help. He had started his own 1st generation seeds, pumpkin seeds that had led to a humble harvest. He was more intentional about his conversations, he was more invested in the day, and he was willing to work a little harder. As for me, I was tired. My heel hurt with every step. I had to get up earlier than normal and have a car packed with two kiddos out the door for a long day. I had one more invested than the other and we were all worn from a week of work. We left the house about 30 minutes later than I hoped (not the first time that week) and all the talks we had felt like they hadn’t mattered like I wasn’t heard. Instead of laughing, sharing stories, or peace our car was filled with frustration and disappointment. But when we arrived, the sun came out, my son’s stepped up and for one of the first times, I got a chance to stand back and share our mission that day instead of just lead. I was able to witness my son have conversations and share the “seeds” he had planted those many months ago and harvested a year ago. I got to see others invest in a young man who had put a lot into being there that day. I got to have talks with him about not worrying about the huge assortment of beautiful pumpkins just down the sidewalk from the “big” farm. I got to coach my other son that his day of sharing his passion would come in time. And an old verse that encouraged me on a day of small beginnings over a year ago came to me with relevance.
“Who dares despise the day of small things…” Zechariah 4:10
Our concern often with “small things” or weak moments is how our appearance may seem to others. But God reminds us that:
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” Colossians 3:23
On the days we feel the smallest, weakest, and most insignificant. Fear not, for God may be showing up in his strongest, most spectacular way to make a miracle happen!
Father, this life presents so many challenges and difficult moments. In our human frailty, we have weak and tired days, moments, and sometimes long seasons and years. Remind us today that our weakness allows you to show up and be strong, to do miraculous things. Remind us that you see our heart and not what others see. Help us to work as if working for you alone and not measure our worth on what others think, say, feel, or show. Turn our ashes into something beautiful that honors you and let us feel content right where we are unafraid to reveal our weakness and vulnerability. We ask these things in your son’s name, Jesus, the beautiful servant you sent to remind us of this very truth. Amen
In my weakness, Julie
P.S. Today’s image is of Sam and I on the day we planted the pumpkins. Even the “appearance” of the garden was humble, we just used a dirt patch next to the house. But who dares despise the day of small beginnings…
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Appearance
Show me the next step I should take.