“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside of your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31
Have you ever seen someone you once knew and loved, fade into a state of being you don’t recognize anymore? You watch their smile fade. They stop looking into your eyes. Their voice is filled with language and tone that reflect a negative state of being. Their essence, gone. Before you know it, you are grieving their existence, yet their physical body remains.
Over the last several years of my life, I have seen people I love fade into “survival” mode. Hearing the word survival may make you think of being out in the dessert or adrift on the ocean barely making it by, but a peek in the dictionary defined it like this, “still living after another or others have died or died out; remaining after another or others have ceased existence.1” A glazed over faded existence, light dimmed, fruits of the spirit masked, gloom existence. In a way, watching ones I love “fade” has left me a survivor and at times dims my own existence.
It wasn’t that long ago, the person who “ceased to exist” was me. I slid into survival mode, working full time, parenting, living in a marriage that was not functioning as a healthy partnership. I had succumbed to my fears and settled into death. I was living death. My light had dimmed, my hope was bleak, I was getting up and doing what I needed, but my joy was fading. The picture I share today shows a glimpse of physically how I had faded during this time. This gray period is what I consider the “valley of the shadow of death.” However, if you are in it and you don’t have faith, it may be hard to come out of it without help. We cannot avoid tough periods, that is why we need God and we need to receive the help He sends to hold our hand as we make our way back into the light of the trial at hand.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
When the Holy Spirit is alive and coursing through us, we develop fruits of that spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. “Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
At the end of each school day in our home, we celebrate the “Super Fruit” of the Spirit seen in each person. It is a time to really acknowledge that regardless of performance on a task if attitude and character are growing, that is worth celebrating! However, days do come where a super fruit is hard to find. Where someone’s essence has faded to a state of “survival” and their gifts become masked and hidden. It takes some work to identify this and pull that soul back into reality that they are rare and wonderful and have faded into a living death state.
As I grieve the ones I love when they slip into the grip of doubt, insecurity, and lack of belief in themselves, I reflect on this:
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
That thief is Satan, the devil, the “prince of the air,” whatever you want to call him. And he doesn’t always storm in like a “bad guy,”
“for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.” 2 Corinthians 11:14
Yes, “good” things or people that we may think are filling our life may be tactics of our one true and only enemy. So the question becomes, when is an experience, person, or situation helping us grow and worth our staying in the fire vs. when is an experience, person or situation being used by the enemy to destroy our spirit and we need to flee?
I have sat with this, prayed over this, read about this and still in each situation it can become difficult to discern; however, I remain in this: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
No matter what is occurring in your life, despite how it may feel, God can help you rise up and will use it for good and to save many lives, even our very own. When we trust this, even in that “valley of the shadow of death,” when we are just surviving, we can still eek out a fruit of the spirit, maybe it is a small one, but in time, it will grow and grow and others will know that He is in us.
“This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.” 1 John 4:13
What have you “become” in order to survive?
What part of you has to hide, leaving your branches bare of fruit?
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:11-13
What may God be leading you to add or remove from your life to usher you into a state of thriving in place of surviving?
How can you get back to being the awesome “YOU” you remember being where fruits of the Spirit abound—you can find you again!
Walking with you,
Julie
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Survival
Show me the next step I should take.