“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6
What do you doubt right now?
What are you calling into question, lacking confidence in, considering unlikely?1
This week, my frustration grew as my son’s disbelief, lack of trust, and doubt filled his mind so greatly that joy seemed to be robbed from each circumstance we faced. Before I knew it, I didn’t feel kind, patient, or loving, I felt annoyed. One morning, a conversation of frustration evolved into one of sharing. God took me back to the time in my past when I had begun to follow Him, yet was filled with doubt when things didn’t look the way I expected if I actually had been listening and following Him. “Did I hear you wrong Lord,” I had wondered.
Rewind back several years. I was a fresh, new believer in Jesus. I had been a “believer” in God, the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit my entire life as memory serves me. I don’t recall a time I questioned His existence, yet it took me choosing my own path, not living my fullest truth to end up in a mucky muck spot to “remember” Him and start talking to Him like He really did exist and love me. I suppose deep down, I wasn’t sure if He did anymore…or ever. I wasn’t even sure what love was. As I did start to experience Him, I was filled with life, wisdom came in, and my decisions looked different. I learned what it meant to consider God, and call upon Him for wisdom and decision-making. Life started to make more sense and I had more confidence in my decisions.
“New-believer” faith is like heading out on a run for the first time, fully energized, hopeful, filled with food and water, fresh mind and body. You feel on top of the world. I thought I had it all figured out. I made more self-focused decisions before, now I am seeking counsel from God, I’m set! It was here in this amazing “new-believer” stage that I had no glaring doubts in God. I “understood” Him and we were in sync…….I thought…
Until His leading, my time in His word, His promises…….began to feel empty. The circumstances surrounding me made me doubt Him and I felt angry, frustrated, mislead. I didn’t trust Him. All of a sudden, my surrendered self had slipped into the mid-point of the run when my body was a little more weary, tired, sweaty, and achy. I couldn’t see the finish line and wasn’t sure what was coming next. Frankly, I didn’t even know if I entered the right race and I questioned if I could keep going. This was NOT what I signed up for. I thought I had repented of my sins, found the right way… following God, end of story. Happy endings and blessings will now rain down from above!
Nope. Not yet…
I sat in church shortly after my doubt crept in and a song played. The words, “I trust” and “Jesus” were in there somewhere and I didn’t sing them that day. I slumped down in my seat and felt bitter.
But God…..
He saw me! He saw my doubt, my broken heart, my lack of trust…..and as if the Heavens opened and the trumpets sounded, He reached for me in the muck.
The pastor interrupted the song (which I wasn’t singing) and said, he sensed someone in the room was doubting their faith. If I could have crawled under my chair and “poof” disappeared, that was the moment. DING! ME, ME!! He said something to the effect of “don’t give up.” I definitely felt called out. But the next step sealed the delivery of that message, they changed songs! The song they now played that I had not heard before at church, only on mainstream radio, was “Raise a Hallelujah” by Bethel Music. It had been an anthem song for me. A good friend even gave me a shirt for my birthday with that very title on it. The heavenly sound of that song started to fill me up again. I reached for the olive branch God had extended to me and started to listen again. I made a choice to stop doubting Him and seek wisdom instead.
He taught me so many things in that time, but the book of James was very significant. As James explains trials and temptations throughout chapter 1, he states:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3
He goes on…
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4
He cautions…
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” James 5-8
I sat with that and realized I did not need to doubt. I needed to wait patiently as God’s plans were rolling out and if I continued to believe, eventually His promises would come true for:
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1: 12
See, He was maturing me. Teaching me, that we can’t pout and give up the minute something doesn’t look right. His timeline is His. His methods are His. He is all knowing and we are not. We are to trust in Him and lean not on our own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-6.
So, as I walked through the story of my greatest doubt in God, He began to speak to me again and remind me of His promises then and that He never changes James 1:17. I just have to keep moving forward and trusting that He knows the bigger picture that I may never fully understand. That all things are working out for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28 All of a sudden my boys were filled with so many questions about my doubt and restoration of faith that the energy changed in the room and my son’s doubts….well although they didn’t disappear, were met with understanding. I understood him a little more and he could relate to me a little better. God was maturing us both.
The picture I share today is of my current running shoes. One day they were completely drenched with dew after a morning walk when I was again filled with doubts. They got so wet, they literally squeaked with every step and I cried out, “what’s with the squeaky shoes?!” The whisper came….”you are walking on water daughter, just trust and stop doubting” As I sat them to dry in the sun, dozens of silvery-purple butterflies I had never seen before covered them. If you get close you may see them sitting on my shoes of faith!
What doubts are standing between you and God?
Ask Him today for wisdom around your doubts that can help you move forward, He will answer! Trust Him.
Releasing doubts with you, Julie
Father, Today I Surrender:
My Doubt
Show me the next step I should take.
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. Its always helpful to read through content from other authors and use something from their websites.
דירות דיסקרטיות בדרום
Thank you for reading and for taking time to comment. I hope it encouraged you in some way!