“Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you…..” Colossians 1:24
December 25, 2022 I sat on my couch. I held my most loyal friend of 15 years through one last seizure as I whispered, “you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.” I woke my children and said it is time and we all loaded up the car. I opened our linen closet to find a blanket to wrap him up and one fell out on the floor. The one my grandma had made me over 30 years ago with my initial in the corner, as if she made herself known and was ready to receive my little one. We drove a little less than an hour past churches filled with those celebrating the birth of Jesus, past homes where stockings were being opened and presents unwrapped to a facility open 24 hours, 7 days a week. It was the last drive I would be taking with my Oscar, the little red Dachshund that had brightened the lives of so many and walked faithfully by my side for the last 15 years. As we walked in, my two boys and I holding my Oscar were taken back to a room to wait…… to take in what was about to happen. A moment I had begged God to spare me of, yet realize He had faithfully prepared me for in these last months. As I looked down holding my little one, I told him “I’m with you until the end.” And, I was.
Driving home from that moment was long, painful, and difficult. My head ached so badly from crying and unwinding from the battle we had been fighting really for months, but more severely the last day. I just wanted someone to drive my car home so I could curl up in the seat, close my eyes and fade away, but that wasn’t an option. When we arrived home, it was Christmas morning and I told my kids, I just needed to lay face down for a while and I promised I would spend the day with them. It wasn’t the day they had envisioned and hoped for. Neither was it for me. I had a lot of questions that day for God, about His timing, and suffering. See I had been in a season of suffering. A season of losing things I loved and things that mattered to me. “What are you teaching me Lord?” I asked.
A vision came into my head of Mary, Jesus’ mother possibly asking the same question as she stood and helplessly watched her son being beaten, then crucified and there was literally nothing she could do about it. Nothing but stay…..
“Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother…” John 19:25
There is something beautiful about those who stay. Who don’t leave in times of struggle. Who jump in the muck. Who hold our hand. Who let us cry without offering an earthly solution that won’t solve anything. Who hold us to let us know we aren’t alone. Who don’t promise things will get better, but will look us in the eye and stick with us until the end, whatever that is. That is the ultimate love, it always perseveres.
I was listening to a sermon not long after this season of suffering I had endured when God pressed this truth into my heart. As Paul speaks about his suffering, he concludes with “…that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.” Colossians 1:28
He reminded me that our suffering has purpose. He reminded me that those around me are watching how I suffer. While I wondered, “Am I getting it all wrong God, why are things falling apart?” I realized, He was giving me an opportunity to make and mature disciples by watching how I was handling my suffering; while strengthening and maturing me at the same time.
Suffering, well, it hurts! But there is purpose in our suffering. A purpose we may never experience if we turn from our suffering to avoid pain for today which will only create pain for a lifetime. Instead, turn towards it. Face it. It will lessen, it will pass. You can do it because
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Before you know it, as that suffering burns away, new fruits will emerge from you that you never imagined and abundance will fill your life. “Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season, we shall reap” Galatians 6:9 and I add, again! Your joy will return.